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Newly minted London Mayor Boris Johnson's first brilliant policy decision? Banning the consumption of alcohol on London's Tube system. Trouble is, just about everyone besides Boris seems to understand that getting between an Englishman and his beloved pint is a pretty bad idea. A spokesman for the Tube employees' union said transport staff will have no way to enforce such a ban, nor much interest in risking their personal safety to do so:

Perhaps the mayor will come out with his underpants on over his trousers like Superman one Saturday to show us how it should be done, and maybe tell a crowd of Liverpool supporters that they can’t drink on the train.”

After Boris The Blonde made the announcement, British Transport Commissioner Peter Hendy rushed to assure passengers that the ban would only apply to London proper and those traveling longer distances wouldn't be subject to the measure. “We have no plans to introduce these measures on the national network," he said.

Johnson has himself been known to enjoy a pint -- occasionally more than one. He gave up booze in the final weeks of his mayoral campaign in what appeared to be a strategy to avoid embarrassing gaffes (others suggested it was a sign that he has a drinking problem). Of course, consuming large volumes of alcohol have never precluded British politicians from being good leaders. Winston Churchill was a notorious drinker, and 19th century prime minister William Pitt, the Younger was known to take down two or three bottles of port a day. If he enjoys his job, Boris might do better by heeding their example.

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British comedian Eddie Izzard made a stop in Washington last week, and I got a chance to see his show at, ironically, the Daughters of the American Revolution's Constitution Hall. (Ironic because Izzard is famous for doing shows in drag.)

Having seen Dress to Kill, his HBO special, I was psyched to hear some quality jokes about the European Union. Izzard is a big fan of EU integration, and he often weaves pro-EU commentary into his act. As he puts it in Dress to Kill, the EU is "the cutting edge of politics in an extraordinarily boring way." Or in 2006 for the Guardian, "The EU is like a huge rock festival: everyone has colour-coded passes and there are no wars." He even told Newsweek recently that he eventually wants to go into European politics on a platform of "logical governance." In his view, the stakes could not be higher:

We've got to make it work in Europe. People are very worried about sovereignty and the loss of sovereignty. I think the stakes are if we don't make the European Union work, then the world is screwed. End of story.

Instead of EU wisecracks, though, Izzard treated us to a long and extremely funny disquisition on Wikipedia, prehistory, and religion. In his encore, he did work in a quick plug for the European Space Agency, but that was about it.

In the United States, the Oreo cookie is a classic. Millions of American children have enjoyed dunking the sweet treat -- white cream sandwiched between two round, crisp, chocolate cookies -- in milk as an afternoon snack.

Kraft Foods, makers of the Oreo, introduced the cookie to China in 1996. But the Chinese didn't exactly take to them. So starting in 2005, the Wall Street Journal reports, Kraft engaged in a classic case of adapting a product to suit local tastes. The Chinese found the cookies too sweet, so Kraft reduced the sugar in them. China was developing a thirst for milk -- a product that traditionally hasn't been a Chinese dietary staple -- so Kraft launched a campaign, complete with Oreo ambassadors, to "educate" the Chinese on how to dunk the cookies in milk.

The most radical change was in the shape. Noticing that sales of wafer cookies were increasing faster than those of traditional biscuit-like cookies, a new version of the Oreo was created: a long, narrow, layered stack of crispy wafers and vanilla and chocolate cream, all coated with chocolate. Whoever said Oreos have to be round?

Of course, amid rising food prices and increased demand for chocolate (whose consumption in China has nearly doubled in the past five years), the success of the Chinese Oreo brings to mind the broader question of "Can the World Afford a Middle Class?," a topic recently addressed in FP and one that fans the flames of Chinese frustrations with the West.

(Meanwhile, Oreos have been trying to colonize British biscuit tins, the BBC reports.)

A poem that has been circulating on the Internet lately offers insight into the frustrations that many Chinese -- including those studying in the United States -- feel in reaction to criticisms that have been leveled against their country in recent times. An excerpt is below:

When we have a billion people, you said we were destroying the planet.
When we tried limiting our numbers, you said it is human rights abuse.

When we were poor, you thought we were dogs.
When we loan you cash, you blame us for your debts.

When we build our industries, you called us polluters.
When we sell you goods, you blame us for global warming.

When we buy oil, you call that exploitation and genocide.
When you fight for oil, you call that liberation and democracy.

The full poem, whose origins are unclear, is here. There's also a video version that uses historical images, magazine covers, and political cartoons to reinforce the point:

Here's some lunchtime fun for you.

YOSHIKAZU TSUNO/AFP/Getty Images

Sumo wrestlers coaxed 80 babies, all less than a year old, to cry at last Sunday's annual baby-crying contest at Sensoji temple in Tokyo. The tiny winners are determined by who cries first and who wails the loudest. Participating Japanese parents apparently believe the sumo-induced cries are beneficial, with the babies crying out a wish for good health. At the very least, it probably exercises the lungs.

YOSHIKAZU TSUNO/AFP/Getty Images

Some babies reportedly refused to cooperate and stayed silent or even dared to laugh in the wrestlers' faces. Or, at least, that was the case until the wrestlers resorted to slipping on their scary masks.

Iran's prosecutor general rails against the "onslaught" of such Western toys as Barbie, Batman, Spiderman and Harry Potter.

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Do you find Vanity Fair and Vogue just a bit too bourgeois? Are you tired of lumpen-proletarians who don't know their place trying to friend you on Facebook? Can you never find anything on TV classy enough to show on that sweet plasma screen you had installed in your breakfast nook? Well then Snob may be for you!

"Bad-boy oligarch" Mikhail Prokhorov, who at 42 is Russia's fifth-richest man and the country's "most eligible bachelor," is investing $150 million in a new lifestyle media brand called Snob. The brand will include an exclusive social networking site, magazine, and TV station, all aimed at upwardly mobile young Russians.

Prokohorov, who made his fortune by investing in nickel and gold during the 1990s, is a kind of poster boy for the champagne-drinking, Mercedes-driving set that Russians derisively refer to as "new Russians." His motivtion for this project, he says, is to reclaim the word "snob" from its connotations of unearned privilege and make it a kind of rallying cry for Russia's nouveau riche:

Snob to us means a person who is a 'self-made man', a person who has gained a right to snobbishness," he said emphasizing the main difference with the British meaning which he said referred to inherited wealth.

The Snob media empire aims to focus on "lifestyle features, business news and travel." If Prokohorov's personal hobbies are any indication, the snob lifestyle also includes skiing, art collecting and upscale prostitution rings.

Among popular baby names in Kenya at the moment: Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton. No word yet on any infant John McCains.

Language purists in France are fuming. The country's entry in the Eurovision music contest has English lyrics! (OK, two lines are in French.) Of the 43 countries participating, more than half -- 25 -- submitted songs in English. It sounds like there's a new linga franca.

If you have three minutes of your life to spare, check out France's entry, "Divine," by Sébastien Tellier, here.

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It’s official: Macedonians are real, at least according to the U.S. State Department. 

At a NATO Summit Foreign Press Center briefing yesterday, Assistant Secretary of State Daniel Fried was asked by a journalist if his use of the phrase “ethnic Macedonian” during the briefing meant that the U.S. Government has recognized “the so-called ‘Macedonian ethnicity and language."' (briefing video here, skip to 37:15)

As if Macedonia didn't have enough identity issues already, "so-called” comes in reference to the Bulgarian assertian that Macedonian, the language, is nothing more than a Bulgarian dialect written in a Serbian script. 

But Fried would hear none of it:

I don't think it is so-called. Macedonian language exists. Macedonian people exist. We teach Macedonian at the Foreign Service Institute… There is also the historic Macedonian province, which is different from the country. And it's important. It's quite clear that the government in Skopje, what we Americans call the Government of Macedonia, has no claims. We recognize the difference between the historic territory of Macedonia, which is, of course, much larger than the current country.

By refusing to back down on his use of “Macedonia,” Assistant Secretary Fried has just gone where Dustin the Turkey refused to go. 

This week’s Tuesday map comes to us from a billboard controversy south of the border.

Created by advertising agency Teran/TBWA and launched a few weeks ago in Mexico, the Absolut billboard ad depicted pre-1848 North America -– before the treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo turned Mexican territories into what is now the American South West.

The campaign was obviously intended for a Mexican audience, as Favio Ucedo, creative director of a top Latino advertising firm, explained:

Many (Americans) aren’t going to understand it. Americans in the East and the North or in the center of the county -- I don’t know if they know much about the history… Probably Americans in Texas and California understand perfectly, and I don’t know how they’d take it.”

But Absolut quickly learned just how some Americans would take it: not well.  Although the ad never appeared in the U.S., it was picked up by American media outlets, causing a flurry of complaint from U.S. citizens (some more creative than others).

As of Friday, Absolut’s maker Vin & Spirits had decided to withdraw the apparently offensive advertisement even though it "was based upon historical perspectives and was created with a Mexican sensibility... [and was] in no way was meant to offend or disparage, nor...advocate an altering of borders..."

Matt Groening © 20th Century Fox

"The Simpsons" is inappropriate for children, but "Baywatch Hawaii" is alright. At least that's what the government of Venezuela says. The National Telecommunications Commission opened an inquiry last week, saying that viewers had complained about "The Simpsons" and that the network airing it could be held responsible for violating the country's Law on Social Responsibility in Radio and Television. On Friday, channel Televen said it was yanking the yellow cartoon family from its 11 a.m. slot, and replacing it with the babes in bikinis of Baywatch. 

I guess it doesn't sound totally crazy if you think about it from a cultural perspective. After all, Bart is constantly disrespecting his parents, and I suppose one might not want young kids to get that message.  But beauty on the beach... is that a universal Venezuelan value, no matter the age? At any rate, don't have a cow, man! Televen still might still choose to air "The Simpsons" in a different time slot.

CurrentTV has posted a touching short video on Bhutan, the unspoiled, mountainous kingdom that just held the first elections for its 47-seat parliament on March 24. Turnout was heavy and the monarchist party won big, but the opposition has cried foul even though the elections met international standards. As you'll see in the video, the Bhutanese are a little unsure what to make of this whole "democracy" thing, and many are unhappy about the recent arrival of another Western innovation: television. Check it out below or, if your browser can't see it, watch it here:

Facebook has become Shaitan incarnate for many preachers in Saudi Arabia, not least of all because six in 10 users of the social networking site in the country are women. This apparently makes Saudi men nervous. Influential cleric Sheikh Ali al-Maliki, for instance, has derided Facebook as a "a door to lust" and warned against "the accession of women to it."

Now, it appears, some Saudi men are taking matters into their own hands. London's Daily Telegraph reports:

A young Saudi Arabian woman was murdered by her father for chatting on the social network site Facebook, it has emerged. The unnamed woman from Riyadh was beaten and shot after she was discovered in the middle of an online conversation with a man...."

Shocking, but then again we're talking about a country that arrests American women for sitting with their male colleagues at the local Starbucks.

Ireland's decision to send Dustin the Turkey -- a crass puppet who rides around in a shopping cart -- as its representative to the Eurovision Song Contest was met with mixed reviews by audience members last month. But the Irish aren't the only ones calling this turkey "fowl." Once again, because of the Macedonia name issue, the Greeks are up in arms.

At one point in the turkey's song "Irelande Douze Pointe" ("Ireland Twelve Points," in reference to the maximum points each country can give a contestant), Dustin sings, "Eastern Europe we love you, do you like Irish stew, or goulash as it is to you?" then proceeds to list countries in Eastern Europe one by one, including Macedonia (check here for clearer audio -- the lyrics are pretty great).

Ever since Macedonia's independence in 1991, Athens has argued that the name "Macedonia" is a part of Hellenic cultural heritage and that the former Yugoslav republic expresses territorial claims on northern Greece by using it. Now, thanks to Greek paranoia, rumor has it that Dustin the Turkey will have to join the U.N. in calling the country FRY Macedonia ("The Former Yugoslav Republic of...") in his lyrics.

But the name issue gets far more serious on the security front. Macedonia hopes to be invited to join NATO at the Bucharest Summit this coming Wednesday, but an invitation requires the unanimous support of existing NATO members, including Greece. Despite months of U.N.-supervised negotiations, neither Athens nor Skopje seem capable of coming to an agreement any time soon, spelling trouble for Macedonia's NATO aspirations.

Greece may have Macedonia in a NATO bind, but come May we'll see who gets the last Eurovision laugh. With acts like this as the winning standard, it's really anyone's game.

Last May, Passport noted that a Russian developer had purchased a disused Cold War bunker built by Stalin and planned to turn it into a "luxury leisure complex" complete with hotel, retail space, movie theater, restaurant and spa (click here to see cool photos from before the remodel).

Known as Tagansky Protected Command Point, the bunker lies 180 meters below Moscow and is even rumored to have been the operation center for the Soviet regime during the Cuban Missile Crisis. Most recently, though, it played host to a bunch of post-communist, counter-culture, urban-chic, fashion-designing ravers.

In January, the Russian clothing label White.Trash.For.Cash held an "underground" (pun intended) fashion show and rave deep below earth's surface. The organizers intend to put the Russian fashion scene 'on notice':

One of the group's designers, Maxim Kushnaryov, said the choice of location was "a political statement," and served to "show our opposition to the whole fashion scene in Russia."

Ouch. Perhaps Kushnaryov is taking a page from Gorby's book on how to deliver scathing political commentary through fierce fashion statements.

At any rate, to see what an underground Moscow rave is like, check out this video from the night of the show, VJ'd by a future "Yo MTV Bunkers" host.

In the latest issue of Harp, a magazine for music fans, Dave Grohl announces his independent run for the presidency.

Here's the Foo Fighters frontman offering some refreshing candor on drugs:

I'm just going to come clean, I have inhaled bags of 'shrooms. I haven't done drugs for the past 20 years, to be really honest. I've smoked, [expletive], like six hits off a joint in the last 20 years. I have never done cocaine, ever in my life. I have never done heroin, I have never done speed. I have had my share of acid and mushrooms and I have smoked fields of marijuana, but by the age of 20 I realized, if I don't stop now, I'll never have the chance to be the President of the United States of America. This dream is a long time in the making, it's been almost 20 years of preparing to run silently. Gathering my ideas and support. I haven't done drugs in a long time. Because they are against the law.

On getting out of Iraq:

When I'm elected President, my cabinet and I would come up with an exit strategy that would involve no killing, no bloodshed, a safe return home and some sort of compensation...

On his policy team:

Krist Novoselic really excels in the political arena. When I need to a shoulder a cry on, when I need real advice all I have to do is call Krist and he reminds me what it is to be that kid with big dreams from Springfield, Va. The kid who worked at a furniture warehouse, mowed the lawn, and didn't have enough money to be a member of the neighborhood swimming pool.

On family values:

You know what it takes? It takes a barbecue. I think that what the country needs now is a good, smoky barbecue—family style, at least once a week, winter months included. Every Sunday.

(Hat tip: Peter Carlson)

UPDATE: For what it's worth, Dave Grohl appears to have destroyed Harp magazine.

FILE: Ronald Martinez/Getty Images

In a likely response to the famous Björk incident, the Chinese government is exercising stricter control on performances by foreign musicians. The first victim? Noted Tibetan separatist Jazz singer Harry Connick, Jr.

America's favorite adult-contemporary crooner showed up to do a show in Shanghai Sunday and had to change his planned set to match an old list someone had "mistakenly submitted" to the government for approval:

Authorities insisted he play the songs on that list, even though his band did not have the music for them.

"Due to circumstances beyond my control, I was not able to give my fans in China the show I intended," Connick said in a statement.

So, Connick's band mostly stood around on stage while he played a mellow set on the piano.

YouTube also shows an odd exchange in which Connick asks the audience what that big, tall financial center in town is called and they all yell at him "Jin Mao!" It would be a little like Amy Winehouse coming to New York and asking what the big statue holding the torch is.

Bill Pugliano/Getty Images

DEARBORN, MI - MARCH 5: Foods stock the Middle Eastern foods aisle at a new multilingual Wal-Mart that will stock the largest selection of Middle Eastern food of any Wal-Mart in the nation. The store has signage in English, Arabic, and Spanish, and employees who are multilingual are identified by special name tags that they wear.

Stephen Chernin/Getty Images

Ever since Gustavus Adolphus kicked the bucket in 1632, it's been increasingly difficult to make the case that the bucolic Scandinavian nation of Sweden is an imperial power. But some in Denmark are trying to do exactly that. An analysis by two Danish academics found that the Swedish furniture store Ikea gives its "better" products Swedish and Norwegian names, while "lesser" products are christened with Danish names. An analysis by a blogger on a Germany-based Web forum also reached the same conclusion.

Here's the hierarchy:

• Tier 1, Swedish: Upholstered furniture, bookcases, and multimedia consoles get the names of Swedish towns. Example -- the Kramfors sofa.
• Tier 2, Norwegian: Beds, dressers, and hallway furniture are bestowed with the names of Norwegian towns. Example -- the Leksvik bed.
• Tier 3, Finnish: Chairs and dining tables are christened after Finnish towns. Example -- the Harola chair.
• Tier 4, Danish: Doormats, runners, and inexpensive carpeting get Danish names. Example -- the Roskilde rug and the Köge doormat.

The hierarchy, an example of "Swedish imperialism," sends the message that Denmark is the doormat of Sweden, one of the academics said in a Feb. 14 article in the Danish newspaper Nyhedsavisen.

Some Danes, upset at the doormat treatment, called for a boycott of Ikea, but that idea never had a chance since there is no practical alternative for Danish shoppers. I guess they'll just have to get used to the world's Scandinavian-furniture lovers walking all over them.