Hey Justin Bieber, We Made You a Travel Itinerary!

Tattooed pop star Justin Bieber is a Canadian, but you'd be forgiven for assuming that he's a millennial version of the stereotypical "ugly American."

In Brazil, he raised eyebrows by allegedly visiting a brothel and leaving with two prostitutes in tow. In Australia, he riled a local mayor by vandalizing a hotel with some less than inspired graffiti.

And now, Bieber's at it again, courting controversy by visiting Japan's infamous Yasukuni Shrine, a controversial monument that commemorates the country's war dead, including more than 1,000 soldiers later accused of war crimes. On Instagram, he posted photos of himself at the shrine, affecting reverence, but was soon lambasted by Chinese and South Korean fans who pointed out that Yasukuni is regarded by Japan's neighbors as a symbol of the country's wartime aggression. Oops.

Soon after realizing his mistake, he posted an apology, saying he was "misled" to believe that the shrine was simply a place of prayer. Lesson learned? We hope not. Bieber has far too many people left to offend to stop now.

Here's FP's guide to the geopolitically and historically fraught destinations Bieber might consider for future expeditions:

Mount Everest

On the heels of a deadly avalanche that killed at least 13 guides and provoked a Sherpa boycott, Everest is a prime setting for Bieber's inadvertently offensive antics. Last year, when Bieber visited the Great Wall of China, he had his hired help carry him up the steps. Who needs Sherpas when you already have a couple sets of broad shoulders to carry your precious tuchis up the world's highest peak?

Kumsusan Palace of the Sun

After hitting the peak, Bieber might head to Pyongyang -- in particular, to the Kumsusan Palace of the Sun, the stately mausoleum of Kim Il-sung, the eternal president of North Korea, whose body is encased there in a glass sarcophagus. Kim's son and successor, Kim Jong-Il is also interred within the massive monument, an extravagant building that stands in stark contrast to the extreme poverty of most of North Korea's citizens. In other words: a place for Bieber to really elevate his selfie game.

The West Bank

The genius of Bieber's ability to offend seems to lie in his complete lack of knowledge that he's engaging in behavior that isn't quite appropriate. So we can only hope he heads for the West Bank as soon as humanly possible. A frequent flashpoint of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, the West Bank would obviously provide Instagram fodder for the Biebs. But who knows what will ensue? Someone seems sure to be offended. Perhaps he can innocently tour a SodaStream factory that happens to be controversially located near an Israeli settlement, a la Scarlett Johansson.

Simferopol, Crimea

Finally, Bieber's got to make a stop in Crimea, if only to see what all the fuss is about. Officially part of Ukraine but recently annexed by Russia, Crimea has a lot going on: There are Russian paramilitaries, combat dolphins, and lots of crowds wearing these really cool orange and black ribbons. Here at FP we can only dream of Bieber unknowingly performing before a crowd of Russian Spetsnaz.

Photo by Miami Beach Police Department via Getty Images


Polish Prime Minister Sings ‘Hey Jude,’ Internet, Opposition Go Crazy

Donald Tusk is no Barack Obama. Earlier this week, the Polish prime minister posted a mysterious link to a YouTube video on his Twitter account. That clip featured a snippet of none other than Tusk singing The Beatles' 1968 hit "Hey Jude."

As far as singing goes, Tusk doesn't even hold a candle to his American counterpart, who famously pulled off a decent rendition of Al Green. Tusk is off-pitch and bursts out laughing toward the end, making for an embarrassing, if somewhat endearing performance:

So why is Tusk singing a song that Paul McCartney wrote for John Lennon's son Julian to comfort him after the child's parents divorced? Given Tusk's recent political moves, the episode is a little confounding. 

With Russian troops looming across Poland's eastern border, Tusk has been playing up his hawkish side in recent weeks. He's warned that Polish children may be unable to attend school if Russia is allowed to once more dominate Poland. He's made appearances in front of images of F-16 fighter jets while addressing Polish and American troops. On Monday, he proposed that Europe form an energy union to reduce its dependence on Russia.

And the strong stance against Poland's powerful neighbor seems to be paying off. Tusk and his Civic Platform party have recovered their standing in the polls ahead of next month's European Union parliamentary elections.

After tweeting out the video, Tusk received some good-natured criticism on Twitter. One user pointed out that Tusk "must work on his accent," a comment the prime minister graciously retweeted, adding "I know," followed by a less-than-stately sad face emoticon.

As for why he posted the video, Tusk, who is known for his passion for running, offered a hint on Twitter: "I know, it's better to run than to sing. But tomorrow you will understand why this Beatles' song is stuck in my head."

On Tuesday, Tusk's office released another "Hey Jude" video, this one a glossy production that celebrates Poland's ten years in the European Union. Called "10 Light Years," the video chronicles the country's progress since joining the EU in 2004. It begins with a television broadcast of well wishes on New Year's Day 1991, during the early days of the country's transition from communism. The toast offered to the country: "That our lives become normal and colorful."

Scenes from the humble beginnings of Polish capitalism are shown while McCartney croons, "Hey Jude, don't make it bad." The song's origin as an attempt to paper over another bitter divorce is apt.

When the track erupts in "take a sad song and make it better, better, better," the video jumps to scenes of the country's 2004 accession into the European Union. Subsequent images of glossy high-rises, new bridges, wind turbines, slick aerial footage of picturesque Polish towns, and cheering crowds deliver a blunt message: Look at how much better things have gotten.

That video, teased by Tusk's rendition of the song, is here:

"During these ten years we have gone through a chunk of difficult history," Tusk said during a press conference Tuesday. "Our GDP grew by 100 percent. It gives you an idea of how good our bet was" on joining the EU.

But if Tusk, whose party is staunchly pro-European, hoped to tout the benefits of EU membership, his efforts were slightly overshadowed by his poor attempt at singing. As of Wednesday afternoon, Tusk's clumsy "Hey Jude" rendition had garnered 280,000 views, the glossy propaganda clip it was meant to promote a mere 100,000.

After reports emerged of the clip's cost -- more than $2 million -- the PM's office scrambled to explain that most of that had spent on purchasing broadcast time and that it had been financed primarily through EU funds. Nevertheless, the main opposition party, Law and Justice, filed a complaint to the national election committee claiming the video should be captioned as campaign material for Tusk's party, according to Polish magazine Wprost.

Meanwhile, Adam Hofman, a spin doctor for the Law and Justice party, posted an alternative version of the clip. This time, Tusk's laughing face is followed by images hoping to highlight the hardship facing industries such as mining and ship construction.

So perhaps after all these years Poland is still just fighting over its parents' divorce.