Well, at least according to Iran's semi-official (and frequently batty) news agency, Fars, they do. Controlled since at least 1945 by shadowy aliens known as the "Tall Whites," America is being run according to the dictates of an "alien/extraterrestrial intelligence agenda" set by these otherworldly visitors, who have a surprising history in aiding Adolf Hitler. "Stunning," "cataclysmic," and "explosive" are a few of the words used to describe the report, which if any of it made any sense would certainly not be far off.
The story, which was originally published by the screw-loose conspiracy "news" website Whatdoesitmean.com, is about a report drawn up by the Russian security agency Federal Security Service based on leaked Snowden documents. Among the trove of documents supposedly leaked to the FSB, the true bombshells were those describing cooperation between the aliens -- the Tall Whites -- and the U.S. government. But that's not all: the Tall Whites were also behind the "stunning" rise of Nazis in Germany prior to WWII.
According to the story, "in just one example of the many outlined in the FSB report," Tall Whites helped to drastically expand the number of German submarines at the end of the 1930s from 57 to 1,163. Jump ahead a couple of decades to 1954 and the same Tall Whites have gone on to find new jobs as advisers to President Dwight D. Eisenhower. According to the supposed FSB report, the Tall Whites had come to establish the "secret regime" currently governing the United States. The Whatdoesitmean.com story suggests that this is the "secret regime" supposedly unveiled by the Snowden leaks. (The "secret regime" was actually used somewhat metaphorically by Rolling Stone to describe the gap between policies voters endorse at the ballot box and secret surveillance programs.) The Whatdoesitmean.com report draws in a bizarre Russian television appearance from former Canadian Defense Minister Paul Hellyer last week in which he claims aliens are living on Earth and are refusing to share their advanced technologies until humans make peace with each other. Hellyer made these claims after he was given access to the documents, according to the report.
While Fars has a reputation for picking up outlandish stories from spoof websites, Whatdoesitmean.com seems like a particularly embarrassing turn. It's nearly impossible to find any real information about the website, but one quick glance at its headlines reveals that it's a straight-forward peddler of conspiracy theories: Orders from world leaders to destroy whole countries, Obama's mass genocide plots, ALL Obamacare info going straight into the hands of a shadowy Russian hacker. A quick perusal of online forums will tell you that a few people who have bought books from the website either never got them or eventually received spiral-bound compilations of article's websites. Worse, Fars News Agency has linked to the website on numerous occasions: recently about an underground nuclear explosion in Japan and several reports from this year and last about a Putin-ordered offensive that will probably destroy all of Saudi Arabia.
While one part of the Iranian government is busy negotiating a nuclear deal with the United States, another is content with spreading outrageous conspiracy theories. It's yet another reminder of how deeply divided the country's government remains.