America and Australia have their fair share of similarities --
both are former British colonies with English as a primary language, both occupy
giant chunks of land, and both are characterized by their independent frontier
spirits -- but is this reason enough to join them? Sadly, no.
The deadline for a White House petition to "Join American and
Australia to form Ameristralia" is fast approaching. The petition, which has until
Friday to garner 100,000 signatures, so far clocks in at an unimpressive 6,500.
The campaign to combine the two great
nations was inspired by Redditors who in April realized that the United States dominates
the social media site during its daytime while Australians actively use Reddit when America sleeps. Combined, they could achieve Reddit -- if not world
-- domination. As Urban Dictionary puts it: "the union of the greatest country in the world and the deadliest
island, Ameristralia rules all of the day and all of the night."
But while the petition is clearly a
joke, an argument can be made for fusing the two countries. Fans of the union -- who call themselves 'Matriots' (Mate + Patriots) -- note: Ameristralia would bypass Russia in size at 17.32 million square km to Russia's 17.08. And yes, it would also finally bring the United States into
the metric system. Furthermore, not only do the two countries' respective leaders get along famously, but having a whole territory in the South Pacific, not just a Marine base, could really be a boon to the U.S. pivot to Asia. As the initiative's Facebook page notes, both countries
have "amazing armies" to be used "to uphold freedom and awesome." Who could argue with that mission statement?
Still not convinced? Redditors point out that Ameristralians would also dominate Olympic swimming, diving, and at long last give the United States a fighting chance at rugby.
So there you have it: a case for Ameristralia. If the
petition somehow reaches 100,000 signatures by Friday, it will join other ridiculous requests -- like Texas seceding from the Union or the United States building a Death Star -- to require White House review.