During the Cold War The elder George Bush, and Gorbachev are flying in a jet, arguing about which country has better life standards and stronger economy.

After a long discussion, Gorbachev throws a Ruble our the window and says: "Today, I made a man happy!"

Bush throws out 2 one Dollar bills and tells him: "Well, I made two people happy today!"

Hearing this, the two pilots start chatting with each other: "Shouldn't we throw them both out and make the whole World happier?"

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Fidel Castro is suffering of insomnia. He goes to his doctor and complains.

Castro: "I cannot sleep, no matter what I do! What should I do?"

Doctor: "Try sitting in on one of your own speeches"

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A kenyan politician went to the US to visit his counterpart. When the Senator invited him home for dinner, the minister was very impressed by the lavish mansion, grounds and the costly furnishings. He asked "How can you afford all this on a meagre senator's salary?" The senator smiled knowingly and took him to the window.

"Can you see the river?"

"Yes"

"Can you see the bridge over it?"

"Of course", said the minister.

"10 percent", said the senator smugly.

Some time later, he had occasion to pay a return visit. The Kenyan minister lavished all hospitality on him. When they came to his house, the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister had built, glittering with precious art, hundreds of servants etc. etc. "How can you possibly afford this, on a salary in Shilings?', he asked. The minister called him to the window.

"See the river over there?"

"Sure", said the senator.

"Can you see the bridge over it?"

The senator looked, was confused, peered closely and said - "No, I don't see any bridge."

"100 percent!", said the minister.

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SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The State takes one and gives it to someone else.
COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The State takes both of them and gives you milk.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The State takes both of them and sells your milk.
CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
EUROPEAN FEDERALISM: You have two cows which you cannot afford to keep because of milk imported from a member state with cheaper labor. So you apply for financial aid from the European Union to subsidies your cows and are granted enough to carry on working them. You then sell your milk at the original high price to a government-owned distributor which then dumps your milk onto the market at the price that drove you to subsidies to make Europe competitive.

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In Mexico an air conditioner is called a politician because it makes a lot of noise but doesn't work very well.

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A little girl asked her father, 'do all fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time"?
The father replied, 'No, some begin with - If I am elected.'

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Once upon a time, Kádár (a Soviet-style Hungarian dictator) is driven through a village by his chauffeur. They suddenly hit a pig that dies. Kádár sends his chauffeur to the owners to apologize. Hours pass, the chauffeur only returns to the car much later, smelling of pálinka. Kádár is obviously not happy, questioning the man what on earth took so long.
- I got in, said I was Kádár’s chauffeur and I ran over the pig. Well, they invited me to celebrate.

The American, the Turkish, the Hungarian and the Gypsy are traveling by train. The American grabs a hundred dollars and flips it out the window. The others look at him confused, so he boasts: “I don’t need it, we’ve got tons of these as home!”.
After a while, the Turk does the same with a bag of opium even more imperturbably.
The Gypsy fidgets nervously, later leans to the Hungarian: “Don’t you get any funny ideas!”
(there’s a version of this joke with a German and a Turk)
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The Romanians decide to build the world’s largest football stadium. They go around the world, asking the big nations for aid, so they get bricks, cement, grass, etc. After a while, they arrive to Hungary:
- Don’t you want to donate something for this noble cause?
- Why, the building lot wasn’t enough?!
(referring to the Treaty of Trianon)
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During the world war, the Germans send a super-spy to the UK. He arrives to London, trying to blend in. Goes to a pub, hangs out just as an Englishman, finds a girl. He leans to the bar, casually: “Two Martinis, please!” “Dry?” “Nicht drei, zwei!”
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UN to the US: Do you have any proof that the Iraqis are in possession of WMDs?
US answer: Yeah, we’ve kept the invoices.
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Gorbachev gets to his old village in incognito, meets with the village elder:
- How are you doing? Do you have a radio?
- Yeah, I have a huge hi-fi with eight speakers
- Do you have a TV?
- I have a nice color television with many channels
- Do you know who I am?
- Of course, you’re an American journalist.
- No, you idiot, I’m the head of state, you know me perfectly well!
- Then why are you asking stupid questions, knowing that there’s no electricity in the whole Soviet!
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In Hungary, all the leading figures of the government are going for a trip. However, near a farm, their bus crashes into a deep pit. The next day the police arrives, questioning the farmer:
- Where are the politicians?
- I buried them all.
- Were they dead?
- Well, some of them claimed to be alive, but I don’t believe a word they say!

(True, this joke is funnier if you're Dutch. The fouth of May is rememberance day, the fifth of May is liberation day...)

A German walks into a bar in Holland and says to the barkeeper: "it sure is quiet today". "Well", says the barkeeper, "that's because today is the 4th of May". "So what is it about the 4th of May", says the German. Says the barkeeper: "on this day we remember the hundereds of thousands of deaths due to the Second World War." The German:"Hundereds of thousands? Man, we had millions of deaths in that war!". "Right" says the barkeeper; "but that, we celebrate tomorrow".

We Finns liked to (and still do) make fun of our late, legendary President Urho Kekkonen, who ran the country for a quarter of a century, from 1956 to 1981, in other words, at the height of the Cold War. While Kekkonen was never a dictator or even an autocrat, he was a macchiavellian through and through. Although officially right of center (his home party was the centrist Agrarian Party, later the Centre Party) Kekkonen’s foreign policy consisted mainly of kissing Soviet behind, while his domestic policy consisted of publicly reaming out and embarrassing those who disagreed with him or voiced anti-Soviet opinions.

Kekkonen welcomed the jokes at his own expense, taking it in stride. Even the edgier, Soviet-themed fare was usually allowed. Bald, tall and always wearing his trademark glasses, he cut a striking figure and was an easy target political cartoonists and comedians.

Examples:

-What was the Finnish national animal during Kekkonen’s reign?
-A seal: it’s bald, slippery and likes fishing.

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Brezhnev once called Kekkonen in the 70s. Kekkonen answered the phone, while Prime Minister Sorsa sat next to him.
“Da, da, da, da, da, da, njet, da, da, da, da,” said Kekkonen during the phone call.
After Kekkonen hung up, Sorsa asked him, surprised and horrified:
“What did you say “njet” to?”
“He asked if I ever got tired of saying “da”!”

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Two men once saw Kekkonen walking his dog. The other one asked:
“What is that beast over there?”
“That’s a Russian lapdog.”
“Of course I’m familiar with Kekkonen, but what about the animal?”

An Iranian diplomat is visiting the US to attend the UN General Assembly. As the Iranian is waiting in the assembly building, a group of diplomats starts to boast about their sons. An American representative brags to his colleagues, "my son has an MBA from Harvard." Then a British diplomat chimes in, "oh, well my son has a BA and MA from Oxford." So the Iranian diplomat speaks up and says, "that's nothing, my son has the BMW from Germany!"

- Comedian Omid Djalili

It is the view of some analysts that Japan's low birth-rate and subsequently shrinking population will eventually lead to greater political stability: at some point, they'll run out of prime ministers.
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Three businessmen, one from Chicago, one from New York, and one from Tokyo were seated on a plane together. They got to talking and started boasting about their home cities.

The man from Chicago said "The weather is so unpredictable! We have a saying back home: 'If you don't like the weather, just wait five minutes.'"

The New Yorker countered "Well Wall Street is so unpredictable, we have a saying 'If you don't like the markets, just wait five minutes.'"

The Japanese businessman nodded his agreement. "Back home we have a similar saying as well: 'If you don't like the Prime Minister, just wait five minutes!'".
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(Here's one for students of the Japanese language, which follows the standard sentence pattern of "subject+object+verb")

A foreign diplomat was meeting with the Japanese prime minister. Not understanding the language, the diplomat was relying on the services of an interpreter. The meeting was going smooth enough, the diplomat offered his greetings and the interpretor translated for the prime minister; the prime minister responded, and the interpretor translated back.

At one point however the prime minister kept talking and talking while the interpretor remained silent. After a few minutes of this the diplomat, growing frustrated, asked:

"What's the problem? What is he saying?"

"Shh..." came the response from the interpreter, "I'm waiting for the verb."

The Soviet experience demonstrated that the intermediate step between socialism and communism is alcoholism

Only Russians could have a revolution in November and call it the Great October Proletatian Revolution.

Because they don't have plates that are long enough

(Full disclosure : I read that in an interview with Stefan Edberg back in the day)