Chinese media scoop: The Taliban's deadly monkey soldiers

Posted By Brian Fung Tuesday, July 13, 2010 - 8:58 AM Share

Wake up, Washington. The biggest challenge facing Afghanistan today isn't corruption or political deadlock. It's an army of bloodthirsty, Kalashnikov-toting monkeys. That's right -- according to the ever-credible Chinese state media, who are apparently the only ones alerting good readers to the insidious primate threat, Afghan Taliban have been recruiting countless baboons and macacas to the insurgent cause, turning peaceful tree-dwellers into unstoppable war machines that won't hesitate to shoot:

In a sense, the emergence of "monkey soldiers" is the result of asymmetrical warfare.

[...]

Analysts believe that apart from using "monkey killers" to attack the American troops, the Taliban also sought to arouse Western animal protectionists to pressure their governments to withdraw troops from Afghanistan.

This changes everything. Fundamentalist monkey rebels? Mortar-launching baboons? Do primates even respond to counterinsurgency?

Hat tip: Slashdot

People's Daily Online

 
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COUNTCHOCULA1011

8:37 PM ET

July 13, 2010

Afghan Monkey?

Does Afghanistan even have monkeys? Who cares...that picture is amazing though.

 

RBB

9:09 PM ET

July 13, 2010

Yes

Afghanistan has lots of monkeys. And they are not to be trusted.

They act with malice and forethought. And any animal that is willing to crap in its own hand just to throw it at you is going to fight dirty....

 

LONGSHIP

6:18 AM ET

July 14, 2010

RE: yes

RBB - your comment had me laughing all day long :) Too funny!

 

NEWLANNE

9:28 AM ET

July 14, 2010

"Monkey figters"

Are we sure that they have not been shipped over there by the Chinese? I seem to remember the had a monkey named "Ho Flung Poo".

 

B.HALPERIN

9:01 PM ET

July 13, 2010

Translation problems?

I think someone translated "guerrilla fighter" incorrectly...

 

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July 14, 2010

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8:55 AM ET

July 14, 2010

New COIN tactic - Bananas

Somebody get Petreaus on the phone right now!!

 

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July 14, 2010

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CARDENAS697

11:21 AM ET

July 14, 2010

I have an idea

I have an idea. Lets create a special forces unit manned by these monkeys and trained by the military as counter insurgency and counter terrorist specialist and send them to Iraq and Afghanistan. Think of the possibilities, any hot spot and we could send them in.

 

IYO

1:53 PM ET

July 14, 2010

LMAO!the best article of

LMAO!the best article of today!laughed a lot xD

 

SNHINE

2:56 PM ET

July 14, 2010

I wonder...

We'll have to wait and see if the gorilla fighter>guerrilla fighter strategy pays off.

 

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July 16, 2010

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July 19, 2010

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July 24, 2010

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7:39 AM ET

July 25, 2010

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