Sha Na Na Na, Get a Job

Posted By Travis Daub Friday, August 18, 2006 - 1:58 PM Share

The CIA is running commercials on the Discovery Channel aimed at recruiting new talent. From the tone of the commercials, it sounds like they're looking for engineers and scientists—or maybe kindergarteners. Over a Sesame Street-esque animated sequence, we see robotic spy fish and a multicultural gaggle of scientists.

The commercial directs you to the CIA website where you can take this novelty "personality quiz" to see if you're CIA material. Here are some sample questions from the quiz:

What would you like your mission to include:
Shopping on Rodeo Drive
Dining on haute cuisine
Surfing the waves
What super power would you most like to have?
Flying
X-ray vision
Bionic Strength
ESP
Invisibility

Meanwhile, the Washington Post yesterday ran a fantastic two-part overview of what it's like to endure the FBI's "boot camp" at Quantico, and some of the challenges the agency is facing in the post 9/11 world. Yes, that's the world we've been in for five years now.

Here are the facts that stuck out to me:

Recruits spend 701.5 hours in training.
114.5 hours are spent on firearms training.
One hour is dedicated to teaching the history of Islam.
Recommended reading for new recruits: The Complete Idiot's Guide to Understanding Islam
A new state-of-the-art intelligence training center won't be operational for eight more years. In the meantime, recruits train in "Hogan’s Alley", a recreation of a 1950s small town, designed for chasing down bank robbers.
Getting sprayed in the face with pepper spray doesn't sound like much fun. Maybe I'll apply to the CIA where I can go shopping on Rodeo Drive instead.

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