Winners

Barack Obama: Towers over Hillary in the Democrats' first debate, gaffe or no.

STAN HONDA/AFP

Richard Gere: Kisses Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty. Ignites firestorm in India. Totally worth it.

Capitalism: The Dow hits 13,000. And China joins the fun. (Ignore those dark clouds.)

Stephen F. Hawking: Paralyzed physicist does flips in zero gravity.

Britney Spears: Much better!

Losers

Environmentalists: Earth Day overshadowed by ... another Earth.

The Blues & Royals: British squadron leaves for Iraq with a bull's eye in its midst: Prince Harry.

George Tenet: Didn't anyone tell the former CIA director that whiny, self-serving memoirs are unbecoming?

Al Qaeda: One hundred seventy-two of its operatives arrested in Saudi Arabia, a major commander captured in Afghanistan, and the organization's local #2 reported dead in Algeria.

Nigeria: Fraudulent elections mar the democratic progress of Africa's most populous country.