Screen capture/AFP

Winners

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: Orchestrates the release of the 15 British soldiers with cynical aplomb.

French pride: TGV train smashes the speed record for conventional rail trains, whipping by at 574.8km/h (356mph).

Alexandra Hai: Becomes Venice's first female gondolier after a 10-year battle.

Observant Jews: Kosher foods getting cheaper as China ramps up production.

Bashar al-Assad: Basks in Nancy Pelosi's pratfall in Damascus.

Losers

Tony Blair: Gets schooled in public relations by a five-foot-two crazy man.

BERTRAND LANGLOIS/AFP

Sanjaya: Questionably talented American Idol contestant secures place as TV's laughingstock for another week.

John McCain: Lackluster fundraising and a much-lambasted optimism over Iraq dog the one-time leader of the GOP's 2008 pack.

Virtual gamblers: FBI sniffs around the cyber-gambling dens and parlors of Second Life.

Venezuelans: No booze for Easter.