Winners & Losers

Various British and Irish news outlets report that two Dublin museums unexpectedly acquired new nudes -- of Irish Prime Minister Brian Cowen.

A guerrilla artist, using a trick popularized by grafitti-artist Banksy, placed portraits of the taoiseach in the Royal Hibernian and National Galleries. In one, he's holding his underwear; in the other, he's in the loo. In both, he's nude, though depicted in classically chaste poses. 

Irish police immediately confiscated the paintings and announced a public search for the offending, offensive artist -- although it's unclear that he or she committed any crime at all. Except against good taste, perhaps. 

With three weeks to go until the G20 Summit, the British government is assiduously preparing to host the world's leaders. It's beefing up security. It's passing out press credentials. And, like any shrewd party host, as shown by a memo obtained by the Financial Times, it's naming the in-crowd.

The document solicits bids from public relations firms, asking them to help create "moments of drama for the media" around the Summit. In a section entitled "Target Audiences," it splits the G20 countries into "tier one" and "tier two," spelling out who's worth some extra attention.

Early indications suggest that the following are our priority countries and will be the focus of intensive diplomatic lobbying and engagement:

• US, Japan, France, Germany (key G8 countries) and Italy (as next G8 President)
• China, India
• South Africa (as the only African nation)
• South Korea (as the Chair of the G20 after the UK)
• Brazil (as the main South American nation)
• Saudi Arabia (as the only Middle East nation)

Tier 2 countries include other G20 members, non G20 countries, regional groups and developing countries.

Who falls into "tier two"? Russia, Australia, Argentina, Mexico, Indonesia, Turkey, and Canada.

A Tory spokesman immediately responded:

"The downgrading of some participants before they have even set foot in London sends completely the wrong message. In particular it is wrong for Commonwealth countries such as Australia and Canada to be put into the so-called second tier. So too are some of the world's developing countries whose people will potentially be among those hardest hit by the global crisis."

Looks like its Gordon Brown's turn to be called an ungracious host.

Photo: Carsten Koall/Getty Images

Winners

Bertie Ahern: The Taoiseach (PM of Ireland) is victorious despite a series of scandals.

Monica Goodling: Gonzales's former counsel comes off surprisingly well in her long-awaited testimony before the House Judiciary Committee.

Fred Thompson: Whetting the right's appetite.

Cannes: Old-school Hollywood glamour resurrected, despite the appearance of a few losers.

Saudi-bound plane passengers: Spared a real-life "Snakes on a Plane" experience after 700 serpents are confiscated from the carry-on bag of an Egyptian en route to Saudi Arabia.

Losers

Democrats: Will have hell to pay with the left after Congress passes a war funding bill sans withdrawal timetable.

Lebanon: A Sunni militant group tries to radicalize Palestinians living in squalor in Nahr el-Bared, a refugee camp in northern Lebanon.

Bangladesh: UAE will accept more Bangladeshi workers.

Nilofar Bakhtiar: Pakistan's tourism czar forced to resign for hugging para-jumper instructor.

Photos: Getty Images; New Line Cinema; Getty Images 

Winners

WILLIAM WEST/AFP/Getty Images

Australian farmers: It finally rains.

Illegal immigrants: Amnesty (or something like it) on the way.

Protectionists: Doha going nowhere.

The Japanese economy: Enjoying a record current account surplus.

Odyssey Marine Exploration: Struggling treasure hunters hit $500 million jackpot.

Losers

Prince Harry: Instead of going to war-torn Iraq he may be headed for … war-torn Sierra Leone. Also, no more nightclubs.

Chris Jackson/Getty

Team Landis: Tries to blackmail Greg LeMond. 

Russia: Cements global image as hacker-infested human rights abuser.

World Bank reformers: United States moving to install Wolfowitz replacement ASAP.

Al Qaeda of North Africa: Algerian elections go off with nary a peep.

Peter Macdiarmid/Getty

Winners

Gordon Brown: Long-suffering, dandruff-prone UK treasurer prepares to succeed Tony Blair as the head of Labour and Britain.

Paul Wolfowitz: Survives the unsavory Euro-coup—for at least a few more days.

Vietnamese stocks: So hot right now.

Michael Moore: U.S. Treasury stupidly publicizes the perennial blowhard's latest stunt, which involves schlepping sick 9/11 rescuers to Cuba.

Timor-Leste: What better way to end the violence than to elect a winner of the Nobel Peace Prize? 

Losers

Iran doves: So much for engagement, eh?

Dave Einsel/Getty

Rudy Giuliani: Pope Benedict XVI's abortion pontificating underscores what will be the inevitable campaign-killer for the abortion-fickle former NYC mayor.

Syrian democrats: President Bashar al-Assad guaranteed a second-term; pro-democracy dissident Dr. Kamal Labwani guaranteed a stint in prison.

Japanese vending machines: Vital source of panties threatened by crackdown in Colombia.

Poland: Pootie-Poot scuppers Polish hopes bring Kazakh oil around, not through, Russia.

Winners

Barack Obama: Towers over Hillary in the Democrats' first debate, gaffe or no.

STAN HONDA/AFP

Richard Gere: Kisses Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty. Ignites firestorm in India. Totally worth it.

Capitalism: The Dow hits 13,000. And China joins the fun. (Ignore those dark clouds.)

Stephen F. Hawking: Paralyzed physicist does flips in zero gravity.

Britney Spears: Much better!

Losers

Environmentalists: Earth Day overshadowed by ... another Earth.

The Blues & Royals: British squadron leaves for Iraq with a bull's eye in its midst: Prince Harry.

George Tenet: Didn't anyone tell the former CIA director that whiny, self-serving memoirs are unbecoming?

Al Qaeda: One hundred seventy-two of its operatives arrested in Saudi Arabia, a major commander captured in Afghanistan, and the organization's local #2 reported dead in Algeria.

Nigeria: Fraudulent elections mar the democratic progress of Africa's most populous country.

Winners

Knut: Ball of fuzz defiant after receiving death threat, rolls around in adorable fashion.

Andreas Rentz/Getty Images

Lebanese plastic surgeons: Lebanese bank offers "plastic surgery loans" in famously image-conscious nation, where demand for cosmetic enhancement has increased 20 percent since last year.

British travelers: A pound'll buy you two bucks.

Chan Chun Chuen: Property investor and feng shui advisor inherits $4.2 billion from Hong Kong's richest woman.

Daquiri drinkers: Fruity drinks are good for you.

Losers

The Böög: Swiss cotton snowman goes up in flames, gets slammed by weather experts.

STRDEL/AFP

Bollywood fans: "Wedding of the century" between megastars Aishwarya Rai and Abhishek Bachchan crashed by love-struck, wrist-slashing starlet.

Debbie Schlussel: B-list pundit guesses wrongly that the Virginia Tech shooter was from Pakistan. It goes downhill from there.

Yahoo! Sued by a Chinese political prisoner for allegedly ratting him out to the Chinese government.

Crackberry addicts: Nearly two days of Blackberry outages give North American users the DTs.

Winners

Fidel Castro: Healthy again.

Lesbians: Synthetic sperm cells derived from a woman's bone marrow tissue could make male participation irrelevant for women who wish to conceive.

Iraqi chauvinism: The Islamic Army in Iraq, a Sunni nationalist group, splits with al Qaeda.

Mr. Bean: Bizarre appearance in the Tehran 15 controversy catapults film to box office smash.

Lost expats: Beijing corrects lousy English translations of 6,500 street signs.

Spencer Platt/AFP/Getty Images

Losers

Don Imus: Fired twice in two days for his comments about Rutgers' women's basketball team.

The Emerald City: The most fortified four square miles in Iraq appear more penetrable than anyone could've imagined.

Vonnegut fans: Lose a great one.

Paul Wolfowitz: May lose his job after preferential treatment for his girlfriend ignites mutiny among Bank employees.

Algeria: Back to the bad old 90s?