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Newly minted London Mayor Boris Johnson's first brilliant policy decision? Banning the consumption of alcohol on London's Tube system. Trouble is, just about everyone besides Boris seems to understand that getting between an Englishman and his beloved pint is a pretty bad idea. A spokesman for the Tube employees' union said transport staff will have no way to enforce such a ban, nor much interest in risking their personal safety to do so:

Perhaps the mayor will come out with his underpants on over his trousers like Superman one Saturday to show us how it should be done, and maybe tell a crowd of Liverpool supporters that they can’t drink on the train.”

After Boris The Blonde made the announcement, British Transport Commissioner Peter Hendy rushed to assure passengers that the ban would only apply to London proper and those traveling longer distances wouldn't be subject to the measure. “We have no plans to introduce these measures on the national network," he said.

Johnson has himself been known to enjoy a pint -- occasionally more than one. He gave up booze in the final weeks of his mayoral campaign in what appeared to be a strategy to avoid embarrassing gaffes (others suggested it was a sign that he has a drinking problem). Of course, consuming large volumes of alcohol have never precluded British politicians from being good leaders. Winston Churchill was a notorious drinker, and 19th century prime minister William Pitt, the Younger was known to take down two or three bottles of port a day. If he enjoys his job, Boris might do better by heeding their example.

In the United States, the Oreo cookie is a classic. Millions of American children have enjoyed dunking the sweet treat -- white cream sandwiched between two round, crisp, chocolate cookies -- in milk as an afternoon snack.

Kraft Foods, makers of the Oreo, introduced the cookie to China in 1996. But the Chinese didn't exactly take to them. So starting in 2005, the Wall Street Journal reports, Kraft engaged in a classic case of adapting a product to suit local tastes. The Chinese found the cookies too sweet, so Kraft reduced the sugar in them. China was developing a thirst for milk -- a product that traditionally hasn't been a Chinese dietary staple -- so Kraft launched a campaign, complete with Oreo ambassadors, to "educate" the Chinese on how to dunk the cookies in milk.

The most radical change was in the shape. Noticing that sales of wafer cookies were increasing faster than those of traditional biscuit-like cookies, a new version of the Oreo was created: a long, narrow, layered stack of crispy wafers and vanilla and chocolate cream, all coated with chocolate. Whoever said Oreos have to be round?

Of course, amid rising food prices and increased demand for chocolate (whose consumption in China has nearly doubled in the past five years), the success of the Chinese Oreo brings to mind the broader question of "Can the World Afford a Middle Class?," a topic recently addressed in FP and one that fans the flames of Chinese frustrations with the West.

(Meanwhile, Oreos have been trying to colonize British biscuit tins, the BBC reports.)

Here's some lunchtime fun for you.

YOSHIKAZU TSUNO/AFP/Getty Images

Sumo wrestlers coaxed 80 babies, all less than a year old, to cry at last Sunday's annual baby-crying contest at Sensoji temple in Tokyo. The tiny winners are determined by who cries first and who wails the loudest. Participating Japanese parents apparently believe the sumo-induced cries are beneficial, with the babies crying out a wish for good health. At the very least, it probably exercises the lungs.

YOSHIKAZU TSUNO/AFP/Getty Images

Some babies reportedly refused to cooperate and stayed silent or even dared to laugh in the wrestlers' faces. Or, at least, that was the case until the wrestlers resorted to slipping on their scary masks.

VALERY MELNIKOV/AFP/Getty Images

Do you find Vanity Fair and Vogue just a bit too bourgeois? Are you tired of lumpen-proletarians who don't know their place trying to friend you on Facebook? Can you never find anything on TV classy enough to show on that sweet plasma screen you had installed in your breakfast nook? Well then Snob may be for you!

"Bad-boy oligarch" Mikhail Prokhorov, who at 42 is Russia's fifth-richest man and the country's "most eligible bachelor," is investing $150 million in a new lifestyle media brand called Snob. The brand will include an exclusive social networking site, magazine, and TV station, all aimed at upwardly mobile young Russians.

Prokohorov, who made his fortune by investing in nickel and gold during the 1990s, is a kind of poster boy for the champagne-drinking, Mercedes-driving set that Russians derisively refer to as "new Russians." His motivtion for this project, he says, is to reclaim the word "snob" from its connotations of unearned privilege and make it a kind of rallying cry for Russia's nouveau riche:

Snob to us means a person who is a 'self-made man', a person who has gained a right to snobbishness," he said emphasizing the main difference with the British meaning which he said referred to inherited wealth.

The Snob media empire aims to focus on "lifestyle features, business news and travel." If Prokohorov's personal hobbies are any indication, the snob lifestyle also includes skiing, art collecting and upscale prostitution rings.

Language purists in France are fuming. The country's entry in the Eurovision music contest has English lyrics! (OK, two lines are in French.) Of the 43 countries participating, more than half -- 25 -- submitted songs in English. It sounds like there's a new linga franca.

If you have three minutes of your life to spare, check out France's entry, "Divine," by Sébastien Tellier, here.

This week’s Tuesday map comes to us from a billboard controversy south of the border.

Created by advertising agency Teran/TBWA and launched a few weeks ago in Mexico, the Absolut billboard ad depicted pre-1848 North America -– before the treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo turned Mexican territories into what is now the American South West.

The campaign was obviously intended for a Mexican audience, as Favio Ucedo, creative director of a top Latino advertising firm, explained:

Many (Americans) aren’t going to understand it. Americans in the East and the North or in the center of the county -- I don’t know if they know much about the history… Probably Americans in Texas and California understand perfectly, and I don’t know how they’d take it.”

But Absolut quickly learned just how some Americans would take it: not well.  Although the ad never appeared in the U.S., it was picked up by American media outlets, causing a flurry of complaint from U.S. citizens (some more creative than others).

As of Friday, Absolut’s maker Vin & Spirits had decided to withdraw the apparently offensive advertisement even though it "was based upon historical perspectives and was created with a Mexican sensibility... [and was] in no way was meant to offend or disparage, nor...advocate an altering of borders..."

CurrentTV has posted a touching short video on Bhutan, the unspoiled, mountainous kingdom that just held the first elections for its 47-seat parliament on March 24. Turnout was heavy and the monarchist party won big, but the opposition has cried foul even though the elections met international standards. As you'll see in the video, the Bhutanese are a little unsure what to make of this whole "democracy" thing, and many are unhappy about the recent arrival of another Western innovation: television. Check it out below or, if your browser can't see it, watch it here:

Ireland's decision to send Dustin the Turkey -- a crass puppet who rides around in a shopping cart -- as its representative to the Eurovision Song Contest was met with mixed reviews by audience members last month. But the Irish aren't the only ones calling this turkey "fowl." Once again, because of the Macedonia name issue, the Greeks are up in arms.

At one point in the turkey's song "Irelande Douze Pointe" ("Ireland Twelve Points," in reference to the maximum points each country can give a contestant), Dustin sings, "Eastern Europe we love you, do you like Irish stew, or goulash as it is to you?" then proceeds to list countries in Eastern Europe one by one, including Macedonia (check here for clearer audio -- the lyrics are pretty great).

Ever since Macedonia's independence in 1991, Athens has argued that the name "Macedonia" is a part of Hellenic cultural heritage and that the former Yugoslav republic expresses territorial claims on northern Greece by using it. Now, thanks to Greek paranoia, rumor has it that Dustin the Turkey will have to join the U.N. in calling the country FRY Macedonia ("The Former Yugoslav Republic of...") in his lyrics.

But the name issue gets far more serious on the security front. Macedonia hopes to be invited to join NATO at the Bucharest Summit this coming Wednesday, but an invitation requires the unanimous support of existing NATO members, including Greece. Despite months of U.N.-supervised negotiations, neither Athens nor Skopje seem capable of coming to an agreement any time soon, spelling trouble for Macedonia's NATO aspirations.

Greece may have Macedonia in a NATO bind, but come May we'll see who gets the last Eurovision laugh. With acts like this as the winning standard, it's really anyone's game.

In the latest issue of Harp, a magazine for music fans, Dave Grohl announces his independent run for the presidency.

Here's the Foo Fighters frontman offering some refreshing candor on drugs:

I'm just going to come clean, I have inhaled bags of 'shrooms. I haven't done drugs for the past 20 years, to be really honest. I've smoked, [expletive], like six hits off a joint in the last 20 years. I have never done cocaine, ever in my life. I have never done heroin, I have never done speed. I have had my share of acid and mushrooms and I have smoked fields of marijuana, but by the age of 20 I realized, if I don't stop now, I'll never have the chance to be the President of the United States of America. This dream is a long time in the making, it's been almost 20 years of preparing to run silently. Gathering my ideas and support. I haven't done drugs in a long time. Because they are against the law.

On getting out of Iraq:

When I'm elected President, my cabinet and I would come up with an exit strategy that would involve no killing, no bloodshed, a safe return home and some sort of compensation...

On his policy team:

Krist Novoselic really excels in the political arena. When I need to a shoulder a cry on, when I need real advice all I have to do is call Krist and he reminds me what it is to be that kid with big dreams from Springfield, Va. The kid who worked at a furniture warehouse, mowed the lawn, and didn't have enough money to be a member of the neighborhood swimming pool.

On family values:

You know what it takes? It takes a barbecue. I think that what the country needs now is a good, smoky barbecue—family style, at least once a week, winter months included. Every Sunday.

(Hat tip: Peter Carlson)

UPDATE: For what it's worth, Dave Grohl appears to have destroyed Harp magazine.

Bill Pugliano/Getty Images

DEARBORN, MI - MARCH 5: Foods stock the Middle Eastern foods aisle at a new multilingual Wal-Mart that will stock the largest selection of Middle Eastern food of any Wal-Mart in the nation. The store has signage in English, Arabic, and Spanish, and employees who are multilingual are identified by special name tags that they wear.

Since the beginning of the year, John McCain seems to have settled on a consistent set of closing remarks for his most important speeches. Whenever he talks about America, he refers to his favorite nation with the feminine pronoun, "her." But in three out of the last four primary and caucus victory speeches he's delivered, McCain has stepped up his invocation of Lady Liberty. Here are the last few lines of McCain's New Hampshire victory speech:

So, my friends, we celebrate one victory tonight and leave for Michigan tomorrow to win another. But let us remember that our purpose is not ours alone; our success is not an end in itself. America is our cause -- yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Her greatness is our hope; her strength is our protection; her ideals our greatest treasure; her prosperity the promise we keep to our children; her goodness the hope of mankind. That is the cause of our campaign and the platform of my party, and I will stay true to it so help me God.

This is hardly the first time anyone invoked America in the same way they might refer to a great ship, and it isn't even the first time for McCain. But the use of the word "her" seems to have taken on a greater frequency and urgency in his oratory since January. I tend to think that this subtle change in McCain’s language is calculated to establish two things.

First, using "her" shows McCain as a traditionalist. He talks about great causes the way a founding father might have spoken. And second, McCain establishes himself as a paternal figure: a man who has the power to protect, honor and provide for a woman -- when that woman just happens to be the USA. It's a subtle way to imply that a woman would not be able to do the same job as president as a man. Certainly, it would sound strange for Hillary Clinton to refer to America as "her." In this way, McCain can covertly raise the gender issue without ever sounding overtly sexist.

There's a long tradition of news organizations borrowing titles of popular films for use as headlines. Just recently, Newsweek used There Will Be Blood for its cover story about John McCain's troubles with the Republican base. But we can expect more such wordplay as the year progresses. Here's a sneak preview of how editors will be using and abusing movie titles in the weeks and months ahead:

There Will Be Blood

Stories about infighting among Hillary Clinton's advisors, the Democratic and Republican conventions, various controversial bills before Congress, Zimbabwe's elections, the fight to publish Bush's memoirs, etc.

No Country for Old Men

Stories about John McCain's age (oops, too late), demographic and social trends in various countries around the world, various sports teams, etc.

Superbad

Stories about Dmitry Medvedev's impending crackdown on dissent and Hillary Clinton's campaign strategy.

Iron Man

Stories about John McCain's astonishing stamina on the campaign trail.

The Golden Compass

Stories about Barack Obama's political antennae or those of his advisors.

The Dark Knight

Stories about advisors to the Democratic and Republican nominees or various corrupt oligarchs around the world.

Horton Hears a Who

Various egregious puns involving The Wharton School, Hu Jintao, and/or the writings of Edith Wharton.

iStockPhoto

Q: Who was Adolf Hitler?

• A German kaiser
• A munitions maker
• The chancellor of Germany during WWII
• An Austrian premier

If you answered "C," congratulations! You are now as smart as one quarter of 17-year-olds in the United States.

A new survey released by the non-profit group Common Core found that teenagers in the United States live in "stunning ignorance" about history and literature. That's something we could have told you awhile ago. In "Lost in America," a feature story in the May/June 2006 issue of FP, Douglas McGray wrote:

[S]urrounded by foreign languages, cultures, and goods, [young Americans] remain hopelessly uninformed, and misinformed, about the world beyond U.S. borders."

In his piece, he writes that we hear all the time about how America's youth lags behind in science and math tests. But they lag equally, if not more, in the liberal arts and social sciences. And it's just as dangerous. As the world becomes more and more globalized, it's crucial that our citizens today and tomorrow have a deeper understanding of history and culture.

Thankfully, Common Core has taken on this cause. The organization is composed of both Democrats and Republicans, who may not agree with each other about education reform policy. But they do agree on one thing: America's schools need to teach more about the liberal arts. Right on.

Ben Sklar/Getty Images

We've finally gotten to the point where it's entirely plausible that the next U.S. president will have had a black father, a white mother, and a half-Asian sister. America has finally moved beyond race, right?

Not so fast. All you have to do is look to my hometown, "liberal" Boulder, Colorado, as this week's Exhibit A of how screwed up the United States still is when it comes to race. At the University of Colorado, a columnist for a student newspaper wrote that Asians should be rounded up with an "extra-large butterfly net," "hog-tied," forced to drink and eat sushi with a fork, and ordered to dance until their spirits are broken. Lovely, eh?

The university has issued an apology. So have the editors of the paper. They claim the column was meant to be a satire and a commentary on racism. But the column was never clearly labelled as a satire, and the columnist's writing skills are so poor, that... well, let's just say he will be getting employment at neither a reputable paper nor at The Onion. He may not even be really racist. But he's a total and complete idiot. I hesitate to bring his column to your attention because he's pulled immature, stupid, controversial stunts like this before.

But the bottom line is, there's a very real danger that readers of his column will take him seriously. It wasn't that long ago that 120,000 Japanese and Japanese-Americans were placed in internment camps in this country. The Jena Six incident, where nooses were hung on trees at a high school in Louisiana, took place only a few months ago. There are no excuses: Racial violence is not something to be taken lightly, whether you're a college student or not.